“Do not be afraid; our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift.” – Dante Alighieri
With both our parents living in western Washington, and Linda and I living in northern Idaho, we had many trips back and forth through the rolling hills of the Palouse, the high desert of central Washington and the magnificent Cascade Mountains separating western and eastern Washington. I tend to be a quiet, introspective driver. Not that my attention is riveted on the road, but more that my mind just tends to wander. Was tumbleweed designed specifically to tumble? Does its tumbling serve some purpose? Does it help it to propagate? How come coyotes are known to hunt in packs, but you rarely see packs of coyotes? Almost always you see a lone coyote trotting across a field. You know; that kind of mind wandering thing.
Just when I got to thinking about the world’s best nachos or maybe sex, Linda quietly asked me what I was thinking. Her timing was always wrong. I’m sure she wanted me to share some deep insight into our relationship or philosophy of the meaning of life, but my thoughts are almost always much shallower than that. So, quickly my brain said, “don’t say sex and nachos. Say something else. Anything.” And so, with my pulse starting to quicken, I began to panic. If I don’t quickly respond, maybe she will misinterpret my silence. She is a worrier. Maybe my delay will cause her to worry that I’m thinking some worrying thought. Shit. Don’t say nachos or sex. “Did you see that coyote?”, I finally say. She looked at me like I was mildly crazy. I’m sure she was thinking, it took you that long to come up with, ‘did you see that coyote?’ “Yes”, she says. “It was a scruffy looking coyote. Must be slim pickings out here in the desert.”
My pulse began to slow. “What would you like to talk about?”, I bravely asked. “Life”, she says. “Ok, I say”, as I felt my pulse start to quicken again. “What about life?” “Are you happy?”, she says. “Yes, of course”, I say. “I have a wonderful family, great job, a new house on top of a mountain with an amazing view. What’s not to be happy about?” “It just seems like we are going through the motions. We go to work, our kids are raised by babysitters, we cook, we clean, we pay the bills, we go to work. It’s an endless cycle. There has to be more than this.” “I thought you loved teaching. You’ve made some great friends. You are making a huge difference in the lives of the kids you teach. What’s wrong?” “I don’t know. I guess it’s just me. I want more out of life.” Sensing that this conversation wasn’t about trading me in for a new model, I asked, “Do you want to quit teaching?” “No, we can’t afford for me to quit. We can barely make it to the end of the month as it is. You may have noticed that the last few days before pay day are solidly devoted to mac and cheese.” “Yes, but Kraft mac and cheese”, I say. We only buy the best for our kids.” “Ok, Mr. Smartass, that’s not helping. I feel trapped. I don’t see a way forward.” Now my pulse really starts to race. Is my wife depressed? Maybe she does want a new model after all. Where is this conversation going? My mouth feels dry. What can I say?
I heard myself say, “It sounds like you want something to change. What would make you happy?” “I don’t know”, she said. “I’m glad you are in my life”, she said. “Ok. I’m glad you are in my life, too”, I said. And just like that my mind is back to thinking about coyotes, tumbleweed, the ingredients in the world’s best nachos, and sex. Wait a minute. “Maybe we could leave the kids with your folks for a couple of days and just go off by ourselves for a romantic weekend”, I say. “That would be nice”, she said and she smiled like the world was now a better place.
Husbandry 