“Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 4.” – Anonymous
Speaking of aisle 4, how do you know which aisle to attack first? Many stores have designed their entrances to direct you to a certain section first; like produce. You walk in the entrance door, grab a grocery cart and you are faced with a wall that forces you to turn right into the produce department. So, you look at your grocery list for produce type stuff, stuffing it in cheap bags, and then what? Personal care aisle for deodorant and shampoo? Condiments? Canned goods? Pasta? Coffee and tea aisle? Ethnic? Meat and fish? Cheese? Paper goods? Bakery? Cleaning supplies? Pet supplies? Beer? Wine? What’s the proper shopping order? Do you traipse up aisle one and then go down aisle two and then up aisle three, etc? Do you shop in the order you have stuff on your grocery list, possibly criss-crossing across the store? That seems terribly inefficient to me. Do you use a paper list? Or do you make a list on your phone? I see people all the time on their phone, I assume talking to their significant other, asking, I suppose, about the proper brand or package size. I don’t really know what they are talking about. Do you shop with your significant other or do you shop for groceries alone? It seems like either approach is fraught with danger.
Other stores’ architecture isn’t nearly as directive. You walk in and immediately have to make a decision. The whole store is laid out before you with aisles parallel to your position. You can see right down the aisles the instant you walk in the store. Now what? Do you still go to the produce department first? I do. I want to get the best bananas before the next customer comes in with their virus covered hands and touches them all and before they squeeze all the avocados to get the only one in the store that isn’t hard as a brick. And then I go to the fish counter to see what fresh fish just came in. I snag the freshest looking fish in the display cabinet and feel like I just out-shopped the hundreds of people who follow me and will now have to choose a lesser piece of fish because of my shopping prowess. Then I hit the canned goods or bakery aisle for whatever non-perishable food items are on the list, then head to the dairy section for milk and fresh juices, and finally the wine department to select the perfect wine to go with my perfect fish. I am a shopping pro. Or at least I thought I was, until I went shopping with my significant-other.
We entered the store. She said, “I have to pee. I’ll catch up with you.” I grabbed a cart and turned left to the produce section. Ten minutes later, I’m still in the produce section when she catches up with me and says, “where were you? I’ve been looking all over the store for you!” I calmly and bravely replied that I went straight to produce as all good shoppers do and that I had just found all the produce items on our grocery list and was ready to head to the meat counter. She exclaimed indignantly that I was doing it all wrong. Why didn’t I go down the deli aisle, get the cheese for tonight’s appetizer and then go to the dairy section? I looked totally puzzled and had no quick comeback. “Why would I go backwards I wanted to know?” “You went clockwise. I always shop counter-clockwise when I come to Market of Choice. You are supposed to go through the deli area first.” “Huh?”, I cleverly replied. “Are you telling me there is a right way and a wrong way to shop?”, I queried. “Of course, you should always go counter-clockwise.” “Wait, when we go to the Saturday Market, you go clockwise.” “That’s different. I have a specific order of booths that I go to each week.” “Do you shop counter-clockwise at Safeway?” “Hmm. Well, that’s different. But at Market of Choice you must go counter-clockwise. It is the way the store is designed.” “It’s designed that way to make you walk past their delicious bakery items, their ridiculously over-priced cheese and salamis and all their high profit value-added items.” “Trust me. Your way is just wrong.”
Life is so confusing. Men don’t stand a chance.
Husbandry 